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Engineering Definitions (From our Works Correspondent)
It has been found in the past that many people do not obtain the full meaning of articles containing engineering terms owing to their inability to understand them fully. We are, therefore, posting this list of definitions to help the non-technically minded of our readers to obtain fuller enjoyment from their reading.
Machine A mechanical device for the removal of redundant portions of the operator's anatomy. It is fitted with various lethal weapons known as tools. Operator A person suffering from the delusion that he controls the above machine. Chiefly employed in exhibiting grossly inflated wage packets to non-engineering friends Setter An interesting animal kept by the management and trained to replace broken tools etc. Is very docile when deprived of sleep. Inspector A survivor of the Spanish Inquisition. Chief function is to weaken the operator's nerve, thus rendering him easy prey to the machine. This is accomplished by informing him that certain dimensions are undersize and, when adjusted, are then oversize by the same amount. Ratefixer An illiterate being whose mental processes cannot assimilate the fact that there are only 60 seconds to the minute. Tool-grinder One who can grind a cutting-edge in such a manner as to leave it in exactly the same condition as before. Reamer A device for producing various designs on a bore surface. Gauge An instrument made of metal which has the peculiar property of momentary expansion or contraction. Storekeeper Another name for a somnambulist. Chargehand Strict caution should be observed when dealing with this individual. From his frequent enquiries as to the number of hours you are working, he is probably connected with the Income Tax authorities.

Engineering Definitions

(From our Works Correspondent)

It has been found in the past that many people do not obtain the full meaning of articles containing engineering terms owing to their inability to understand them fully. We are, therefore, posting this list of definitions to help the non-technically minded of our readers to obtain fuller enjoyment from their reading.

Machine
A mechanical device for the removal of redundant portions of the operator's anatomy. It is fitted with various lethal weapons known as tools.

Operator
A person suffering from the delusion that he controls the above machine. Chiefly employed in exhibiting grossly inflated wage packets to non-engineering friends

Setter
An interesting animal kept by the management and trained to replace broken tools etc. Is very docile when deprived of sleep.

Inspector
A survivor of the Spanish Inquisition. Chief function is to weaken the operator's nerve, thus rendering him easy prey to the machine. This is accomplished by informing him that certain dimensions are undersize and, when adjusted, are then oversize by the same amount.

Ratefixer
An illiterate being whose mental processes cannot assimilate the fact that there are only 60 seconds to the minute.

Tool-grinder
One who can grind a cutting-edge in such a manner as to leave it in exactly the same condition as before.

Reamer
A device for producing various designs on a bore surface.

Gauge
An instrument made of metal which has the peculiar property of momentary expansion or contraction.

Storekeeper
Another name for a somnambulist.

Chargehand
Strict caution should be observed when dealing with this individual. From his frequent enquiries as to the number of hours you are working, he is probably connected with the Income Tax authorities.

Nil Illegitimi Carborundum

Wage-packet
Delayed action bombshell.

Scrap
See swarf.

Component
By-product of the above.

Millwright
A sort of comic who appears and reappears at irregular intervals.

Swarf
Staple product of engineering.

Labourer
This specimen with no ambition does nothing all day and stays overtime to finish it. Always missing when wanted. Very obliging about a week before Christmas.

Bonus
Latin name for a carrot dangled in front of a donkey

Foreman
Very rarely seen except when you are filling in your football coupons.

Tap
Similar to a reamer only much more brittle.

Technical Offices
Dormitories provided for those individuals who have overworked themselves failing their examinations at technical college.

Don't Let The B*stards Grind You Down

Coolant Pump
A device so designed as to deluge the operator with oil or water when he is not looking.

Finish
An abstract term used by the Inspector and is something that is never good enough.

Bolt
A cylindrical piece of metal with a helical screw on it that is either undersize or oversize.

Nut
Something that never fits on the above.

Location Diameter
A size which is never right and is always produced by another department.

Faulty Set-up
An accomplishment always achieved by the opposite shift.

Model
A standard of excellence achieved accidentally.

Drawing
Pictorial representation of a dream seen in a trance by a medium.

Draughtsman
A medium.

Drawing Office
A trance.

Hmm .... What Now?
..... Blue 1 Moving in
..... Blue 2 Anonymous
..... Blue 3 Hazardous Materials Analysis
..... Blue 4 Engineering Definitions
..... Blue 5 Whose Job Is It?
.....
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