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Letter To The D.H.S.S. (The Department of Stealth and Total Obscurity)
A few years ago the Government were promoting AIDS awareness. One of the ways was delivering leaflets to every household in Britain. Here's one response: Dear Sir, I have just received the AIDS leaflet through my door and would like to apply straight away for AIDS. I have been on the dole for the past ten years and have been living on Supplementary Benefit and every other State aid I could get. It now seems I will be getting aid for sex. It's a pity this AIDS has come so late as I have already got 15 children and wondered if you will be making back payments. Your leaflet states that the more sex I have the more chances I have of getting AIDS. My only problem is persuading the wife, who is not so keen after 15 kids. Several years ago I bought some sex aids but she showed little interest and they were hardly used. Would there be any chance of a refund for the £17.82p I paid for these gadgets? Anyway, I will now explain to her that the Government will now be paying us for all the sex we have and I'm sure she will agree that we can't let a chance like this slip by. You also state that I can pass my AIDS on, but as you will understand with a wife and 15 kids to feed there won't be much left to pass on. If by any chance there is a bit left though I will pass this on to my poor old mother-in-law who only has her pension. I understand from your leaflet that I can get AIDS through a blood transfusion and I intend to write to my local hospital straight away to see when I can have one. Will the AIDS I get from the hospital be deducted from the AIDS I get from you? Perhaps you will write and let me know. I am a firm believer in getting every aid from the country I can get and I'm sure you'll agree that by my past performance I do qualify for this one. Could you let me know how much I will get paid each time, and will it be weekly or monthly payments? Yours faithfully, Seamus O'Toole PS Your advert is great, I certainly won't die of ignorance, I know my rights. Footnote: He had a dog with a flat nose. It chased parked cars!

Letter To The D.H.S.S.

(The Department of Stealth and Total Obscurity)

A few years ago the Government were promoting AIDS awareness. One of the ways was delivering leaflets to every household in Britain. Here's one response:

Dear Sir,

I have just received the AIDS leaflet through my door and would like to apply straight away for AIDS.

I have been on the dole for the past ten years and have been living on Supplementary Benefit and every other State aid I could get. It now seems I will be getting aid for sex. It's a pity this AIDS has come so late as I have already got 15 children and wondered if you will be making back payments.

Your leaflet states that the more sex I have the more chances I have of getting AIDS. My only problem is persuading the wife, who is not so keen after 15 kids. Several years ago I bought some sex aids but she showed little interest and they were hardly used. Would there be any chance of a refund for the £17.82p I paid for these gadgets?

Anyway, I will now explain to her that the Government will now be paying us for all the sex we have and I'm sure she will agree that we can't let a chance like this slip by.

You also state that I can pass my AIDS on, but as you will understand with a wife and 15 kids to feed there won't be much left to pass on. If by any chance there is a bit left though I will pass this on to my poor old mother-in-law who only has her pension.

I understand from your leaflet that I can get AIDS through a blood transfusion and I intend to write to my local hospital straight away to see when I can have one. Will the AIDS I get from the hospital be deducted from the AIDS I get from you? Perhaps you will write and let me know.

I am a firm believer in getting every aid from the country I can get and I'm sure you'll agree that by my past performance I do qualify for this one.

Could you let me know how much I will get paid each time, and will it be weekly or monthly payments?

Yours faithfully,

Seamus O'Toole

PS Your advert is great, I certainly won't die of ignorance, I know my rights.

Footnote:
He had a dog with a flat nose. It chased parked cars!

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Letter To The D.H.S.S.

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Text - ©1999, ©2000, ©2001, ©2002, ©2003, CHM et alGraphics - ©1999, ©2000, ©2001, ©2002, ©2003, variousDesign and layout - ©1999, ©2000, ©2001, ©2002, ©2003, CHM

Yorkshire Free Humour
Original Pages - Purple

Text - ©1999, ©2000, ©2001, ©2002, ©2003, CHM et al
Graphics - ©1999, ©2000, ©2001, ©2002, ©2003, various
Design and layout - ©1999, ©2000, ©2001, ©2002, ©2003, CHM